I despise making really difficult decisons.

*Heaving a big sigh*

We are, inevitably, moving clear across the country in only a few weeks. We've spent the last several years living with my in-laws (more for their benefit than our own). Then, my husband's father passed about 5 years ago, so we continued to stay, helping along my mother in law, who was (with good reason) devastated by the loss.

But now, she is moving on and so shall we, with our best option being moving to Sunny Florida, as I have my own family there. I am excited to be, finally, out on our own, as our OWN FAMILY for the first time ever, just myself, my husband, and our son.

At the same time, I am terrified.

I am still waiting on confirmation as to whether or not my employer will relocate me, and even still that doesn't have the most positive outlook. So I am seeking out a new career, but playing the waiting game for a response is slow and painful, and does not leave me feeling all too hopeful. And I can't even begin applying for our apartment until my job is secure, so really I'm a total mess.

Add to this the fact that I have not yet explained to our son what is going on. I feel like it's still too soon, with so many things up in the air. I want to wait until I can show him pictures of where his new home, new school, playground, etc. will be, before making his life any harder than it already is. He's already worried about starting Kindergarten this year.

So, again I sigh, and turn back to my coffee and the sanctuary of my desk for an hour's peace and quiet, telling my husband I need to "unwind" even though I'm secretly actually still poring over pages and pages of online job searches, hoping that the next click will bring me some peace. At least, for now.