Do your kids grandparents try to out-parent you?

Maybe it's your parents. Maybe it's your significant other's parents. Either way, you've decidedly reasoned that they are just messing in the wrong territory right now - deciding what's best for your kids.

This is apparently some sort of parenting fact of life. In fact, years from now, you'll probably put your own kids through this proverbial hell once they have their kids. It's a grandparenting syndrome.

Now, if you're lucky, this is mild and/or tolerable. If your parents or in-laws are relatively sane, they're not doing much worse than slipping some cookies to the kids before dinner, buying that expensive gift that you refuse to buy, or sneaking them a few dollars for "spending money" at the candy store. This is ok. This is normal. This is how most grandmas and grandpas spoil their "little angels". (You, of course, may feel differently when they're bouncing off the walls like little banshees hopped up on sugar at one in the morning, but bear with it.)

No, what I'm really talking about here is when your own parents/in-laws try to supersede your firm, concrete rules for your kids knowingly and, possibly, somewhat maliciously. They feel the need to re-exert their parenting authority. This is what makes you want to rip your hair out and refuse to ever visit again.

Take this example (always my favorite) - Bug is four. He sits in the middle row of our minivan in a toddler booster seat. This is a RULE for his SAFETY. For some reason, one of his grandparents feels that he should sit in the front seat so he can "see better". I tried to put my foot down on that and they snapped back, "Well it's our rule that he sits in the front! You sat in the front as a kid and you turned out just fine!"

Ummmm NO. I DON'T THINK SO. A desire to overindulge a four year old with something that could endanger him is not a "rule", it's you being stubborn, possibly of the mind that you know best because you've been there done that before. But the reality is times, and our knowlege of safe vs. unsafe, good vs. bad, evolves over time.

Do your parents or in-laws try to out-parent you? Do they think that only they know best? I'd love to hear your stories. And, if you're a grandparent that does this with your kids, this is a plea to please, let us make our own parenting decisions. We'll love you that much more for it.